What To Do When Getting Feedback On Your Writing Hurts

Feedback should strengthen your craft, not crush your confidence. Here’s how to persevere through “This needs work.”

Aug 14, 2025

You’ve shared your writing with someone—a critique partner, a friend, a copyeditor at work. Hours, days, or weeks pass. Suddenly, a new email notification pops up in your inbox.

Your stomach tightens. Your cursor hovers over it. You click, bracing for impact, unsure if what’s inside will feel like a gentle nudge forward or a blow that knocks the wind out of you.

I’ve received feedback on everything from academic papers and business reports to non-fiction books and my own fiction. And while I can take notes on my non-fiction with relative ease, fiction hits more personal. Feedback there can feel like it’s poking at the most vulnerable parts of me.

That’s why learning to receive feedback well matters so much to me. It doesn’t only make you a better writer. It also makes sharing your work, especially the tender stuff, far less terrifying.

So, how do you receive feedback without losing your joy for writing?

Let’s talk about it.

1. Prepare your mindset before you hit “send”

Decide what role feedback will play in your writing process.

See it as a gift: someone is investing their time and effort.
Separate your identity from your draft. You are not your writing.
Be clear on what you’re asking for.

🔎 Example: If you’re sharing a rough chapter, you might say, “I’m looking for feedback on pacing and character motivation, not grammar yet.”

2. Don’t jump to defend

Your first reaction is rarely your clearest.

Give your initial emotions space to rise and fall. Whether it’s defensiveness, discouragement, or the urge to scrap your draft entirely, those impulses will pass.
Get curious about why a comment stings or sticks.
Remember: you sought this input because you care about your craft.

🔎 Example: If someone says, “This scene feels slow,” resist explaining why it’s important. Let the feedback sit, then decide later whether to keep it or tighten it.

3. Ask clarifying questions

Vague feedback can be more frustrating than silence—there’s nothing specific to act on, yet you know something isn’t working. That’s why clarifying questions are essential. They move the exchange from opinion to useful direction.

🔎 Examples: “When you say this part felt confusing, where exactly did you get lost?” “The ending felt rushed; was it pacing or the emotional payoff?”

4. Look for patterns and priorities

Once the initial sting fades, shift into analysis mode. Not all feedback deserves equal weight; your job is to spot the trends that matter most.

Compare comments from different readers. If three people flag the same pacing issue, it’s worth investigating.
Note what’s mentioned only once. That might be personal preference, not a structural flaw.
Identify which issues, if fixed, would have the biggest impact on the story.

This step isn’t about cooling off. It’s about sifting through the noise to find the most valuable signals for your revision.

5. Trust yourself as the final decision maker

Feedback is a tool, not a command.

Keep what strengthens your vision.
Let go of what doesn’t align with your goals.

🔎 Example: If someone dislikes your unconventional structure but you know it’s core to your story, thank them and keep it.

6. Recognize different types of feedback

Being able to identify what kind of feedback you’ve received helps you respond effectively.

Constructive – Specific and actionable. (“The tension dips here; maybe add a complication.”)
Vague – “It just didn’t grab me.” Ask for details.
Overly harsh – Often reflects the giver’s style more than your skill. Keep only what’s useful.
Overly glowing – Feels good but won’t sharpen your skills. Ask what specifically resonated.

7. Close the loop with gratitude

Even if you disagree, thank the person for their time. Gratitude strengthens relationships and reframes critique as collaboration. It also softens your reactions and reconnects you to the shared, deeply human experience of giving and receiving feedback.

🔎 Example: “I appreciate you reading this; it’s given me a lot to think about.”

Like so much of creative work, receiving feedback is an art. The more you practice, the less it feels like being scoured with a bristle brush and the more it feels like a collaboration between your vision and your readers’ experience.

Your writing will grow. Your confidence will grow. And you’ll realize that the sting of critique is just another sign you were brave enough to share your work.

👉 Your turn: What’s the best (or worst) piece of feedback you’ve ever received on your writing? How did it shape your work? I’d love to hear about it.